ERIN

Who are you?

I am a strong, intelligent, caring, compassionate, and funny person who struggles most of the time.

Describe your kids. 

My child is wildly intelligent, funny, musical, curious, strong, and tenacious. They are the reason I love my life.

Describe your household. 

It has been just F and I for most of their life. We have two dogs, and it feels chaotic at the moment.

When and how did you last surprise yourself? 

I am honestly surprising myself with my consistent strength over the last 15 years.

What do you adore about being a mother?

It is an absolute gift to be on the journey with a human as they become themselves.

What do you despise about being a mother?

My co-parent

What's something you want to do differently than the generations of mothers before you? 

Teach my child to question authority, try to prune the inherited trauma, and help them fully believe in their strength, intelligence, and beauty.

What do you think is the most common thread of motherhood?

I see so many different journeys that I don’t know if there is one.

Where and when do you feel most at home?

Wherever my child is. Spending time without them feels moorless.

What energizes you?

Laughter

What last made you belly laugh? 

Last week, the kiddo and I were laughing in the ocean about the joy of being tossed around.

When do you and how do you feel totally relaxed? 

When my child and my partner are both under the same roof. Which isn’t often enough.

What is something that makes you cringe?

Authoritarian parenting

What is something that's stopped you in your tracks in the past year?

I always point out beautiful skies, murmurations, clouds, and colors to my kiddo. In the last year, they started pointing them out back to me…

What is something you've recently ate/listened to/read/watched that really captivated you?

It’s been a few years now, and Max Richter’s remix of Vivaldi’s Spring never fails to take my breath away. Grilled burgers on the beach. And I really love Blue Eyed Samurai on Netflix.

Who or what kind of mother do you look up to and why?

I look up to the calm mothers. No mother has their shit totally together, like none. And each of us beat on ourselves for our failings (or avoid those feelings with chemicals). The moms who I adore and learn from are those who remain centered and calm in the face of everything.

Describe a perfect day with your kid.

Honestly, it would start with them sleeping in and waking up to eat waffles calm and rested. We’d go on a hike or workout, then go putter (shopping at H mart, thrifting, etc.), maybe have sushi for lunch, and come home to chill in the evening with crafts, reading, and games.

Describe a perfect day without your kid.

I would like to caveat that I spend every other weekend away from my kiddo due to the custody arrangement. And that feels like too much so I’m not one of those parents who fantasizes about time away from my kiddo. On weekends without my kiddo, my partner and I usually go on a long walk exploring some city, seeing art museums, having lunch at a new restaurant, taking a nap, and dinner with a group of friends.

What is one tiny victory you’ve had recently?

I passed my qualifying exams for the PhD program.

What is one silly frustration you've had recently?

Getting out of the house in the morning.

Where is somewhere you've never been that you'd like to go with your kids? 

I would love to explore London with F.

Where is somewhere you’ve never been that you'd like to go without your kids?

I don’t need to go anywhere without F. I get too much time without them.

What do you dream of for yourself? For your children?

Peace? A centered path through life with a joy for the little things and no fear of the challenges that arise.

How did you feel about being pregnant? What do you remember most about pregnancy?

It was hard. I didn’t love it at all. I used to talk with F. I called them Sunny in my belly before I met them.

What, if anything, do you want to remember about your birth story? Early motherhood?

My birth story was challenging but ended up with a healthy kiddo so it was perfect. I had a disinterested partner who was too busy texting his mistress and complaining about how uncomfortable the sofa was to sleep on, and he didn’t want my mom in the room for the birth. The doctor on duty slept much of my labor and was more worried about how she dropped her phone in the toilet than my birth. I pushed for three hours with no results. I was so lucky to have a nurse who stayed with me past the time she was supposed to be off in order to see me through the birth. She will always be an angel to me. Watching her glare at my husband’s disconnected presence was one of the most validating experiences of my life. They had to suction my kiddo because they weren’t budging. And when F arrived, my life had meaning. And everything was and always will be worth it, seeing that tiny face and holding them.

Any thoughts on…

Aging?

It’s a battle with myself and the process. I love it, but sometimes I look at my face and ask “who is that woman and why is she so ugly?”

Social media? 

It’s a tool. We wouldn’t give our children a chainsaw or a car without teaching them about it and showing them how it works, training, education, retraining, making sure they take it slow.

Teenagers?

I thought I would hate this phase and I absolutely LOVE it. Every time they push on me, every time we fight, I see that they are growing in their strength and intelligence and need to be their own person…the individuation is one of my favorite things. Teens need us more, it’s just different. 

 Sex?

I’m a pervert. I was horny all pregnancy and my husband was not interested. I love sex. It’s another way to communicate.

Gender constructs?

Wildly bullshit as a way to maintain unequal power dynamics.

Body image?

I hope my child’s is better than mine.

Domestic and societal roles/pressures?

Garbage. 

Partnership/marriage?

Whatever a person wants is fine. I love that women don’t need it anymore