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ALISON HARNEY

WITHOUT using labels, who are you?


I am someone always trying to achieve balance between relationships, work and creative passions, while also making time to appreciate the natural world and honor my physical body.


Please share your own website/blog/art/photography/writing/business/passion project:


Describe your kids. 


Weird, funny, strong-willed, creative, normal, smart.


Describe your household. 


Lucky. Privileged. Down to earth. Intact.


When and how did you last surprise yourself? 


I happened to google a poem published last fall, and see that it was posted on Facebook by the publication and someone from grad school who I haven't talked to in a decade loved it, and I thought, maybe I'm out there and connected more than I know I am, and then I thought, I don't want to know, at least most of the time.


What do you adore about being a mother?


That you can create and appreciate stability while also having constant change.  


What's something you want to do differently than the generations of mothers before you?  


Talk to my kids more openly about my feelings, relationships, sex, money.


What do you think is the biggest misconception about motherhood?


That you are in control.


What is something that makes you cringe? 


The fear that if I make a bad choice, I will blame myself forever


What is something that's stopped you in your tracks in the past year?


Realizing that all life must reproduce to continue because anything supple, flexible and capable of generating the energy for movement will wear out eventually, and we are just a part of this long thread of existence rather than an isolated living entity.


What is something you've recently ate/listened to/read/watched that really captivated you?


Elizabeth Strout novels always captivate me.


Who or what kind of mother do you look up to and why?


Mothers who are not afraid of leaving their children for multiple days to serve their own needs. I do this fairly often, but I feel afraid every time.


When was the happiest you’ve seen your kid(s) and what were they doing?


Often when the girls are in the shower together, the laughter is outrageous.


Describe a perfect day with your kids(s).


Slow morning, bike ride, lunch, rest, games.


Describe a perfect day without your kid(s).


Slow morning, gardening, date with husband, reading, rest.


What is one tiny victory you’ve had recently?


I got a carpool lined up for soccer this afternoon. I said what I thought in our coparenting dynamic.


What is one silly frustration you've had recently?


That all the rosemary probably died from the freeze last December and I will have to cut it out and it will take forever and leave huge holes in the hillside.


What do you dream of for yourself? For your children?


A book, a reading from my book. 


That my kids will one day see me as a human being who is also just trying to figure out how to best live on a complex planet.


How did you feel about being pregnant? What do you remember most about pregnancy?


I felt good about it, but worked on my feet in a grocery store, so my feet hurt a lot, and it was physically very hard by the end.


What, if anything, do you want to remember about your birth story? Early motherhood?


Standing on the bed naked making animal sounds. The tunnel – the intense pain and trust required. How much I loved the early days together despite being exhausted. I loved being with her.


Any deep or humorous or urgent thoughts on…


Identity?


Trust you have one.


Healing (body, mind, and/or spirit)?


The body is a miracle. do what you can to help it along. Don't beat yourself up for aging--it's what the body does.


Make space for a spiritual life--it will enhance your time alive.

Thank the mind, but don't live fully from it.


Aging?


It's wasted energy to try to hold back a river. You will miss observing the life around you if you're too preoccupied with your aging.


Child rearing?


Do the best you can, ask for lots of help, forgive yourself, write things down.


Blended families? 


Are hard. But someone's got to do it, and frankly there are a lot of benefits to part-time children.


Social media? 


It does not feed me.


Teenagers?


I love teenagers. I hope they can find enough hope to get through all of this mess we have in the world.


Postpartum depression/anxiety/PTSD?


I think the anxiety never fully goes away, but it does get better. Get help, read spiritually grounding material.


Sex?


You have to make it a priority or it just goes away.


Gender constructs?


Live and let live. I wish we had some pronouns that were less confusing to understand--calling a single person a plural pronoun is still not easy for me.


Body image?


It's hard. We all struggle with it. But I think when we can remember all of the amazing things that our bodies do for us every day and focus more on "body service" than image it helps reframe and feel gratitude.


Domestic and societal roles/pressures?


It's all there. Things have changed but not so much. New packaging. 


Partnership/marriage?


Are work, and worth the effort.


Anything else under the sun you’d like to share?


I think because we love our children with such intensity, it can warp us into thinking that everything is important or critical, and it's not. If we are giving our children love, food, education, and shelter, and not intentionally harming them, they are probably going to find their way, and yet, they might not. They also may suffer great hardships, which means we will also suffer, and we have to let it be what it is. 

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