ANSLEY HARBIN

Without labels, who are you? 

 I am kind, and have a deep love for others. I am joyous, I am a wild romantic free spirit. Also, I am very passionate about the people and things I care about. I’m very sensitive,  easily moved to tears whether  sad or angry. I'm very fragile and easily hurt, but over time I’m learning resilience. I believe at my core that kindness truly does make the world go round.

Currently I am working on a book. The book is about a journey of self discovery and healing, and learning to accept and love yourself fully, flaws and all. In the future, I have a dream about starting a program for children to help with emotional regulation and promote overall mental health and wellness for children and families. I also dream of one day starting an academy for healing through the arts, so healing in many artistic forms: yoga, theater, painting, music, cooking, gardening.

Describe your kids.

 My children are legitimately, wonderfully WILD. My daughter is a wonderful, creative free spirit who loves with her whole entire being. She’s so creative, and I love the way she sees the world. My son at 15 months already loves to sing, he loves music and his grandfather Pop Pop and Pop’s dog Cash. He also already loves throwing a ball, devouring any accessible food, and roughhousing with his Daddy. My children are uniquely wonderful, wild and free.

Describe your household. 

My household is a lively, cluttered, safe haven. In this house, we play, we imagine, we create. We try to teach our kids kindness, empathy, and forgiveness. We try to lead by example and ultimately show our babies love and how to love well.

When was the last time you had a belly laugh?

Recently my daughter decided she was a vampire who would randomly turn into a bat. After church, she told me she wanted to bite my hair, and my husband, brother and I all hysterically laughed for a good while after.

What is something that makes you cringe? 

I cringe when I feel like I have done something wrong and let other people down. My biggest fear is to do something wrong, and this fear can sometimes keep me up at night. I replay all the times I have messed up and done something to offend someone. I am slowly learning how to give myself grace and not be such a people pleaser as I age. It’s definitely a work in progress.

What is something that's stopped you in your tracks in the past year? 

Recently I have been recovering from some childhood trauma that I had previously repressed. I think being a Momma forced me to finally confront the monster in the closet so to speak. This realization knocked me down, but I’m learning to work through and live with it instead of hiding it like I have done for a long time. I realize I can keep going, I can still laugh and have joy despite the pain. It hurts to heal. Healing is not a linear process, but you can still carry on and find joy on the daily. Even when you’re hurting, you can find stars in the dark.

What is something you've recently ate/listened to/read/watched that really captivated you? 

I recently went on a ladies church retreat, and I really had such a beautiful experience with ladies of all ages and walks of life. Music soothes my soul, and on the trip I heard a song, “His Eye is on the Sparrow,” and this song here lately has really captivated me. It talks about being discouraged, but also singing because you’re happy and free due to your faith. I just find this song to be really healing and beautiful.

 Right now, I don’t get to watch a lot of movies/shows, but the last captivating movie I watched was Don’t Look Up. I really resonated with the main character of the movie. 

Who or what kind of mother do you look up to and why?  

As a child I loved Little Women. In the story, I look up to the Marnie (mom) character. She truly values the inward beauty of her daughters, fiercely loves them, and offers them empathy and compassion. I also look up to my own Mom, who is a brilliant hard working woman, who loves her family so well. 

When was the happiest you’ve seen your kid(s) and what were they doing?

 The happiest I see my kids is when they are playing in the sunroom. No television, just playing and creating. My daughter and son both love to play dress up, they love to read books, and they love to paint. I adore watching them create and imagine. 

What, if anything, do you want to remember about your birth story? Early motherhood?

 With my daughter, I got to be surrounded by my sweet family and that was awesome. Tom and I both were nervous and that support was crucial for us. With my son, I went into labor the night of Thanksgiving, it was just my husband, my mom and I, and it was really sweet and intimate. Both times, I had good experiences, but my labor and delivery was definitely less intensive with my son because I went into labor on my own, so it was much less painful. Both times, all the contractions and discomfort were worth every second for the gift of our sweet children.

Thoughts on…

Postpartum depression/anxiety/PTSD? 

Due to my childhood trauma, I have PTSD, and also had some postpartum depression. It’s so, so important to seek help, to allow yourself to receive help, and to invest in yourself. You matter.

Sex? 

Sex is great and important. It’s healthy and one of the greatest expressions of love! I’m a big time advocate for couples enjoying a healthy, beautiful sex life 

Gender constructs? 

My mom is a doctor and my dad is a stay at home dad. Society has it wrong! Gender constructs are made up, husbands can and should do the dishes as well as work, moms can work outside the home and still be wonderful mothers.