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QUINN TRAIL

WITHOUT using labels, who are you? 


I am me. I am Quinn. I am still trying to figure out who I am when I have the time, space, and energy. But as of today - I am me. I am 30 and trying to figure out the next ten years of my life even though I know that's impossible. I spent the last 8 years having kids so finding time for me feels nearly impossible. Some days I have to reach out and give myself a hug and remind myself that depression is normal and I am doing the best I can to be as content as I can during this journey of growing up. I got married at 19 which I am now processing as a 30 year old how not normal that is. But at the same time I have grown up with the same person for the last 11 years and I don't think that's a bad thing. I moved across the country away from the South and didn't realize until I was away that I was missing so much of the world. I grew up very religious and since then have decided to lose my religion and the restraints it put on my life. I am me - trying to love and accept myself on this journey of life. 





What do you despise about being a mother?


I despise a lot of things. I despise the loneliness that comes with being a mom. Being on your own with a child who can't fully communicate or process their emotions is so exhausting and isolating and it truly feels like you are alone in this. Even though that's far from the truth, I just don't think moms talk about loneliness enough. I also HATE feeding my children. It's the worst thing in the world and why can't they survive off mac and cheese and be totally fine?!?!!!!


What do you dream of for yourself? For your children?


I hope that I can find my passion project. That thing that energizes me aside from being a mom. I want to be able to live freely without fear of rejection. I dream of a house with two bathrooms if you can believe it or not. I dream of getting old and knowing my kids as adults. I hope my kids know that they can dream and do and manifest anything they want - the sky's the limit for them. I hope they can love their bodies and themselves fully and I dream that one day they will all be best friends. 


What do you think is the biggest misconception about motherhood?


The biggest misconception about motherhood is that all moms are fulfilled and happy. I think that is the farthest thing from the truth. In fact, I think most moms are overwhelmed and overworked. If you're a stay at home mom you are with your kids all the time. It's exhausting. If you work, you are a working mom having to do a job and then come home to your kiddos and take care of them. I have done both and they are both hard in different ways. I wish more people understood the loneliness and isolation that comes with being a mom. Yes, it is this amazing journey but most days are very difficult. It does start to get easier as they get older. But I would love for people to know that this world was not made for motherhood - it tries so hard to tear down moms. If you're a stay at home mom you are judged. If you are a working mom you are judged! Lack of paid maternal leave, lack of support, the list is endless. But the world also doesn't realize that mothers know how to make every minute count and the strength (absolute strength) it takes to wake up at 6a with a child and take care of them before you are even aware of what is happening. We are all of the things and more. 





Thoughts on…


Postpartum depression/anxiety/PTSD?


My only thought on this is...if asking for help because you are depressed feels like a big task than you are most certainly depressed. The anxious thoughts and depression post baby can be helped. It took me way too long to figure that out. PTSD is a real thing - especially if you have had a traumatic birth. It stays with you until you are willing to deal with it!


Sex?


Don't plan on having regular sex for a year after you have a baby. It's totally fine. If you have a great partner they will understand and be ok with it. When your body is fucked up after a baby take care of yourself. Don't worry about what you should or shouldn't do or who you should please or shouldn't please. Also kudos to the ladies who have sex everyday. I wish I was you. 


Teenagers?


K, I know everyone says to be scared of teenagers but I truly believe the teen years are where I will thrive. I am not a get on the floor and play with your toddler kind of mom. I want to know everything about you and what makes you happy so I am excited to sit at the dinner table with my teen and get to know them. 


Body Image?


When will I ever fully love and accept my body. Why does it feel so messed up to always hate your self and then look back on pictures and appreciate how you looked. Why can't I do that in the moment?! Body image is a real hard thing that takes practice. 




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