WITHOUT using labels, who are you?
I’m a loud laugher who prides herself on always jumping in the water.
Describe your household.
We live in a crooked floored oldish house by the bay. I like to convince myself that the mess feels more bohemian than just plain old dirty (and when I say bohemian I don’t mean like Freepeople boho, I mean like 19th century Berlin.)
There are piles of books and old red rugs and lots plants that could use a little more love.
Much to the embarrassment of my children, there are also a fair number of paintings, sculptures and photographs of naked women as decor in just about every room.
As disheveled as our house can be, I take a lot of pride in it. I like it to feel a certain way- warm and stories and inviting.
Please share your own website/blog/art/photography/writing/business/passion project (insert links here, or please send me attachments):
Where are you from and where do you live, and what do you like about this place? Is there anything you loathe about it?
I love that I am from this place- that my great-grandparents (a carnie and waitress) came to this resort town that never quite took off and we’ve all stayed. I feel a deep connection to this place. I have no desire to ever leave (though that was not always the case).
I love that it’s not cool but it’s somehow perfect - that we have a local grocery store and a local foods market and a couple of brackish beaches where I spend as much time as possible. And I am a huge fan of the municipal waterpark.
Sure, I wish there were better restaurants and a bookstore would be amazing, but I belong to this place and it’s a hell of a feeling.
What do you adore about being a mother?
It’s not so much that I like being a mother as I like my children. I like the little ones and I like the big ones- I’ve got five of them and they range in age from 18 years old to four.
I like to spend time with them. I like getting to have conversations and adventures with them. They share what they love with me and my life is fuller because of it. I learn about new music from my oldest daughter. I have been going to the gym to powerlift because of my oldest son (anyone who knows me knows this is a very surprising move). I feel like there is a lot of cultural noise about cherishing our children while they are little, as though things are just going to go to shit once our kids hit puberty, but I love being a mother of teenagers. My daughter Sena was just teasing me that she thinks my peek will be getting to be a mother-in-law: I can’t wait to have a table filled with my children and the people they all choose to love.
What do you despise about being a mother?
I despise the cultural idea that you are supposed to be worried and worn out to prove that you’re doing it right - it’s the mark that you care. I reject that. Motherhood isn’t putting me out. And the reason why it isn’t putting me out is because I give my kids a heck of a lot of independence. I think it’s good for them and I know it’s good for me.
What's something you want to do differently than the generations of mothers before you?
I can’t think back on any women I know who were truly at home in their bodies- who had a loving relationship with their physical form. I’ve worked my damndest at becoming a woman who can live boldly and joyfully in my body. I am not afraid of pleasure or appetites or taking up the room that is mine to fill.
I want my kids to see a mother who loved them but who didn’t need them for her own fulfillment. I want them to have an example of someone who didn’t lose herself in the process of raising them.
What is something you’re proud of so far in your motherhood journey?
I’m proud that my kids seem to understand that we as a family are a team. They get that we’re all working together to make great lives for ourselves. I feel like they understand that we all need to do our part- they help each other and they are really good about helping with the house. They don’t take things for granted. For instance, my oldest daughter is in college and my husband and I have been working our butts off to pay her tuition as we go. She knows that we’re going to make it happen but she is still always applying for scholarships and grants all the time because she knows it makes the financial burden less for us. But it doesn’t really make any difference to her- she’s getting her way paid regardless. She’s doing it for us. That means a lot to me.
What do you think is the biggest misconception about motherhood?
That there is some way to do it right. I think that if we could just be a little more forgiving, we might find some grace. This is going to be a potentially very unpopular opinion, but I think that part of our worry about being so perfect for our children is because we are pissed off that our parents weren't perfect for us. Maybe if we released some of the anger and resentment we hold regarding our parents, we might not be so damn freaked out about how our children will judge us one day.
Where and when do you feel most at home?
I feel most at home at the water’s edge- I feel the most playful and at peace with my body when it’s floating.
What last made you belly laugh?
Oh man, I’m basically trying to laugh as much as possible. Humor is definitely a family value. We’re all trying to make each other laugh the whole day long.
I don’t think laughter gets enough credit- I think it can be as cathartic as tears. It shakes our cores. It connects us to humanity and our wildness and something sexy and primordial. And I want that energy infused into every crack and crevice of my life.
What is something that makes you cringe?
I’m not sure cringe is the exact right word, but I really just wish there was a way to convince women to let themselves age- to stop with the injections and the surgeries and the lifts and tucks and peels. I understand the pressure women feel, but I just want us all to collectively rebel- to allow ourselves the gift of getting to be older without desperately trying to cling to a youth that honestly wasn’t so kind to most of us.
What is something you've recently ate/listened to/read/watched that really captivated you?
A baguette round with butter and anchovy and a sprig of dill- my favorite treat.
Who or what kind of mother do you look up to and why?
Once about 15 years ago I was on a playground and this very cool looking mother pulled up in a beat-up old car and her daughter ran to go play. I wanted to find a way to talk to her because truth be told, cool looking mothers aren’t something you see every day in my hometown. But she spread out a blanket, opened up a book and never looked up until she called for her daughter an hour later. That woman became my role model.
The idea that you could just let your kid be was so inspiring.
Where is somewhere you've never been that you'd like to go with your kids?
Oh I want to go to all the places with my children but I also don’t want to worship travel. I think that there can be this idea that going to new places will make us the biggest, brightest versions of ourselves. But I really want my kids to know that learning to find wonder and joy in their everyday lives is the goal- and it’s also a hell of a lot more sustainable and better for the planet. I freaking love a vacation, but I really want to have a life that doesn’t need vacations. That said, I’d happily go spend a month with them in Mexico.
What do you dream of for yourself? For your children?
My dream spaces for myself shift and evolve all the time. Hit me at some point this year and I’ll tell you all about how I want to make images of motherhood that speak to the nuances of the experience and are “accepted” by the art world in a way that most work about motherhood never will me.
But at this moment, my hopes for the new year are more fun focused. I’m an enneagram seven, and I spend a whole lot of time trying to figure out how to have a good time.
My dreams for my children are that they all find and hold peace.
